No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
