When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
