Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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