You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
