I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
