i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
