I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Randomize
