On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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