Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
