when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
