Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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