i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
