and she was petting her beer can
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
