His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
