This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
