4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize