I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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