see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
