similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
