sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
