it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
