I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize