six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
