Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
