So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
vagina is talking i cant
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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