There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
