I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
