Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
