If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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