my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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