We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
