I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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