She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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