I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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