the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
