I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
