saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
