just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
