I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
