He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
