Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
