I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
