he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize