I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
