Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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