so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
