I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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