"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
