College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
