This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
