just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
