we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
