The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
