I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
