Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
