69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize