He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize