I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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