Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
