It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
