Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
