I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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