he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
