I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
