Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize