All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
