I love how my cats smell like pot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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