I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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