I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
