Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I want is dick and wine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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